Today is the day I lost my last remaining ounce of hope. I want it to go on record I tried with you people, I really did. I wanted this work, I wanted us to be happy, but.. we just can't. Oh and by the way, it's not me... it's you.
First, this is a thing
I found this today: literally unbelievable. It's a collection of references to The Onion articles taken as factual by the author. I just don't want to live in a world where satire has been rendered obsolete... either because people are too broken to recognise it, or because reality is too broken for people to tell the difference.
Secondly, parcel deliveries
I ordered a book to my work address, which is a company name at an industrial estate. First attempt was made to deliver on Sunday. Today, I received a text saying delivery would be attempted at some point after 5. Just after 5, I thought I would stop by reception on my way out and check if the delivery had been made. The van was parked outside and the receptionist kindly caught up with the delivery driver to ask him if he had my parcel. He stated he had one more left to deliver, for Sarah, in my office. I explained I had a text stating the delivery was due today, at which point he looked at me and said "Are you Anthony?". I confirmed that I was and he replied "Ah great, your parcel is in the van, I was going to deliver it later, so you've saved me a trip" and gave me a big grateful smile.
Thirdly, ban bossy
Ban bossy Really? I mean, seriously? All I have to do, in the opinion of Jennifer Garner, Beyonce and other such assorted ass-clowns is not call my daughter bossy in order to rear a confident, self possessed young woman brimming with self-esteem. Wow, well that's just lifted a massive burden from my shoulders, because, up until now, I'd foolishly assumed rearing a child might be a super complex task which couldn't be boiled down to a simple slogan!
I've needlessly fretted that I may have to handle each scenario based on it's own merits, with no real road map to guide me but an abiding love for my child and desire to do what was best for her in the long run (which, I'd chauvinistically thought might include teaching her when it was time to give daddy just a touch of peace and shut her noise hole). However, I now realise that it's only male children that need to be prepared for the harsh realities of life by learning to curb their natural self obsession in order to become more rounded and caring individuals in the future. Girls on the other hand, need to be encouraged towards narcissism so that one day they'll have the self confidence to stand in front of a camera and say, with a straight face, "I'm not bossy, I'm the boss". Imagine your pride as you turn to the person next to you and announce "That megalomaniac douche burger is my daughter".
Previously, I had failed to realise how powerful a word bossy is. As Anna Maria Chavez tells us "When I was growing up, I was called bossy" and we can see that she's turned out to be a complete idiot, so... case closed, lets ban the word bossy. The powerful info-graphics make the case even more air tight by claiming "Between elementary and high school, girls’
self–esteem drops 3.5 times more than boys’.", obviously with a statement that powerful, you don't need to cite the study involved, it's just a fact! The correlation between a self reflective property measured in juveniles and the use of the offensive word being self evident and thus requiring no proof.
I shall be spending all my resources on finding a way off this planet and leaving you to it.
Let them flap their gums. Everything from basic modern conveniences to necessities like food and water are only made available because somewhere a man is getting shit done or because he solved a problem that needed fixing. This is a man's world because men built it. Every brick and every nail.
ReplyDeleteIt's not the subject matter, or the root problem that bothers me in any way. It's the utter stupidity of the gesture. Where was this stupidity in 1945? Where were the groups of people saying "Atom bomb? Ridiculous, just ban the word Japan"?
DeleteI suppose the other part of what is irking me is that I would have thought the manner in which I would frivolously waste any fame / celebrity I was given would set the bar low enough, but it seems not.
When shit really needs done men stop listening to this sort of BS and get stuff done. Stupidity is inherent in the nature of women - take a look at the shopping aisles designed to lure women, full of pointless tat... the cut flowers next to the checkout, can any more pointless waste of resources be imagined, whilst at the same time they insist on using the same filthy, bacteria-laden shopping bag shipped all the way from China to "save the environment" instead of a new, clean and hygienic plastic bag that costs fractions of a penny to produce. Don't expect sense from ovarian logic, ignore it for the irrelevance it is. When we can't afford to indulge this kind of airhead bollocks you need to start worrying.
Delete